Feeling Better.

Well, I wrote in this blog last week when I was feeling down, so I feel it’s time to write again and say I’m feeling better.

This is not to say that I am 100% better. I am still going through depression and a lot of loneliness. I think I figured out a good enough solution, though… one that I’d like to share with you all, since I know that some of you are going through the same thing (if my IM conversations of late are any indicator.)

I’d been with FG for so long that I mostly forgot what it was like to do things on my own. See, the thing that you have to remember about me is that I’m perennially lazy. If I can call someone else and say “What are we doing tonight/tomorrow/this weekend?”, I will. I was so used to that that it came as a real shock to me to not have FG or someone else around to get me out of the house. If someone else doesn’t get me out of the house, I won’t ever leave (see the laziness part above), and then I get depressed.

Of course, I told all my friends this in a really roundabout way, and the answers I got back were all of the form “You need a hobby that doesn’t involve a computer.” Since my wrists were telling me the same thing, I decided everyone else was right and, since no one else was offering, I’d go find a hobby myself. That’s when I made the decision to do kung fu, since no one else I know does martial arts.

I visited the kung fu place last night and signed up for a month. The practices are Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. They are all optional, but they recommend that you go at least twice a week to get the full benefit. I will go tomorrow for the first time.

I plotted out my days. The weekends are the worst, since there’s not as much work to do and everyone else is out doing fun things. So I immediately scheduled activities for Saturday and Sunday: Saturday is kung fu and Sunday is church (which I actually really enjoy.) Monday and Wednesday is kung fu. Tuesday is IBI. The best part is that all of these activities are technically optional, so if something fun does come up, I don’t have to miss it. But if there’s nothing fun, I can go do these things. That works for me (and probably for my wrists too, as they have been hurting significantly less in the past few days since I’ve been taking it easier on the computer.)

My local friends are realizing I don’t have much to do, either, so I have been getting more invites to parties and such (Andrew, I’ll try to make it to yours in SF; thanks for inviting me!)

I feel much better about myself. I’ve gotten out of the habit of depending on other people to find things for me to do, which honestly is probably a burden they didn’t need. 😉 I’ve found things to do myself that are fun and that I will enjoy. And I find myself having somewhat more self-confidence as well. (I think I’ve finally made it almost 24 hours without breaking down and crying.)

Things are getting better.