And unbelievably, it worked.

Remember that blog entry I wrote a couple weeks ago (titled “I Will Win”?) In it, I said I’d made the decision to not be depressed any more.

Amazingly, it worked.

Bad things still happen. I still cry. I still get angry. But the depression that was hanging over my head on a daily basis has disappeared.

Of course, you are probably asking “How did you do it?” I am still mulling that over myself. I found that there were a few things I needed to do to stop myself from being depressed.

#1, realize that there are people out there who love me. From those of you who write comments in this blog (I read them all) to those of you who call and make sure I’m okay, there are a lot of people out there who really would care if something happened to me.

#2 (and this was the huge one) realize it was okay to be happy. I know this may sound strange to some of you, but something in my brain was seriously telling me “You should be depressed.” My normal response to it was “Why?” This, of course, evoked a flood of misery as it explained to me why my life was a horrible failure.

I figured out that the right response to this was not “Why?”, but “No, I shouldn’t. Shut up.” And it worked! The thing actually listened to me and shut up! I still hear it every once in a while; it’s there, reminding me that I should be depressed. But now I simply ignore it. I have regained the power and control in my mind, and now I am a lot happier.

#3 (and this one really works, too; try it sometime!) My friend Jan had me buy this book called Blink. It’s a fascinating book and worth the read anyway, but the best part was where the author revealed that a study showed that smiling or laughing on the outside (even if you have nothing to smile or laugh about) is just as effective as actually having something to smile or laugh about. That is, it produces the same “happy hormones” that a true laugh does. This one works amazingly well. Sometimes I just smile to myself and I feel myself getting happier.

The final step is to get myself out of relationships and situations that make me unhappy. While this is a longer, more involved process, I can now recognize what those situations are and who they involve, and I will continue to distance myself from them. At the same time, I’m forming closer bonds with my friends who truly do make me happy and make me love life.

I am surprised (and somewhat amazed) that all of this depression hanging over my head, that at times seemed so large that it would be impossible to deal with, was really the result of the tiny voice in my head saying “You should be depressed! You have so much to be depressed about!” It’s even hard to write about, because as I write about it, I feel it there, itching for me to ask it “Why?” But I refuse. And I smile… because, in the grand scheme of things, my life is going pretty well, and I want to keep it going that way.

🙂

EDIT: I also wanted to add that it’s worth remembering that no matter how good or bad your life is, it’s always your choice to be depressed or happy. This is an important realization as well. You can blame your unhappiness on the outside world and the many times it’s f*cked you over, or you can realize that everyone else wades through piles of crap as well and that you’re going to make the best of it. The second choice is the only one that will make you happy in the long run.