"Click": Read this and save $10!

Hey, it’s like a coupon…Read this post and I’ll show you how to save $10. That is, if you were going to see “Click”.

Let me preface this by saying that I am a fan of Adam Sandler. I think Sandler has done a lot of funny movies (“Happy Gilmore”), and a couple good-even-though-they-didn’t-have-too-many-fart-jokes movies, such as “50 First Dates.” Now that I’ve told you up front that I’ve liked most Sandler movies, even the marginal ones, I can tell you that “Click” was by far one of the worst movies I have seen recently. Even Christopher Walken (one of my favorite actors) couldn’t pull this movie out of the toilet.

First comes the product placement. And this ain’t no ordinary product placement. This is hit-you-over-the-head-with-a-sledgehammer product placement. EAT TWINKIES!! LOOK, A WENDY’S!!! The first 30 minutes seemed to be nothing but Adam Sandler hocking one product after another. And look, there are the neighbors with every ridiculous toy known to mankind. (Does anyone ever wonder why other countries view Americans as gluttonous lardball consumers? It’s no wonder they do if they see movies like this.)

The movie’s atrocity is compounded by the complete lack of plot of any sort. There is no woman in this movie with an IQ over 80. Every woman in this movie is either a bimbo (including Sandler’s own daughter in the later part of the movie) or a stay-at-home mom with a one-sided “oh, honey, you forgot about your family again” mentality. The movie is degrading to any woman who is a stay-at-home mom. I pointed this out to S, who pointed out that there is no MAN in this movie who makes any sort of intelligent decisions either. Fair enough.

Okay, but at least it’s funny, right? Well… frankly…no. Look, I don’t hold huge hopes for Sandler movies. I like Sandler, but he’s at his best with “The price is WRONG, bitch!” The best I could have hoped for was a quotable quote from either Sandler or Walken. You know, something that we could have walked out of the movie theater laughing about. There were a few cute one-liners, but seriously, I laugh more during 1 24-minute Seinfeld episode than I did during this movie… and really, I’m not that big a fan of Seinfeld.

Even Walken couldn’t do anything in his role. He was given lines that fell flat (“It’s like Tivo… only it’s MEEvo!” Huh?) and left the audience bewildered. Worst of all, they tried to turn his role into a sort of “benevolent guardian angel.” No! Walken should be allowed to be his totally insane self! And that’s where the movie was really disappointing… it tried to teach us all a really cheeseball lesson: “Family first!” Instead of going completely nuts with the plot, it tried to lecture us about how working too much and abandoning your wife and kids on the Fourth of July is bad, because then in 20 years you’ll be the CEO, but weigh 400 pounds and die divorced and pathetic after having 3 heart attacks. (Yep. That was 45 minutes of the movie right there, and it’s just as depressing as it sounds to watch it.) This movie had a great premise… but where was the wacky, totally off the deep end follow-through to go with the original premise? Where were the kids stealing the remote control to raid the toy store? How about the wife stealing the remote to slow-mo intimate moments and make them last for hours? Instead, the writers tried to turn it into a lecture about overwork and how it hurts your family. Yawn.

Save your $10, hit up the microwave popcorn, and watch a couple Seinfeld reruns. You’ll have more fun… I promise.