That pressure on my skull is the feeling of the world caving in

I woke up this morning with a headache. I wasn’t sure what caused it, so I drank a bunch of water and waited an hour… passing the time by reading a book. After an hour, it still wasn’t gone, so I took some Advil. Now the Advil has worn off and it’s back. It’s most likely a migraine.

I know I get migraines when I’m stressed… and right now I’m very stressed about making sure everything goes smoothly regarding our virtual hosting customer buyout by Empowering Media (reminder to self: post press release online.) I am up to my eyeballs in work, and what makes matters worse is that my friends seem to be constantly calling me and 1) telling me I need a break and then 2) trying to get me to commit to making plans with them that entails a break.

I seriously hate to write this blog, because I probably sound like a grumpy asshole. I mean, really. Who complains about their friends calling and wanting to make plans? Obviously they care about me and are concerned. But the constant phone calls and the pressure for me to make plans isn’t helping. So, in true Grumpy Assholioness form, I refuse to make plans with them, which causes them to really heap it on the form of “You’re really working too much if you can’t even make plans with me” and even the “Don’t you want to see me?” take.

I post this only because I’m really at a loss as to what to do. I need time alone. Alone, as in, no one is around and I get some much-needed time to think about everything. Right now I feel really cornered. I feel pressure from all sides to make decisions about things. Some of my friends want to know if they really matter to me. Some of them want relationships. And all of my friends want more time than I can possibly give.

So I post this to say: I’m sorry I suck and can’t make plans with you. I need time to myself. I can’t make any commitments right now. I probably can’t return your phone call or have dinner with you or spend hours talking about my problems or your problems. I just feel like everything’s going to break, and this halfway-depressed-with-headache state is not helping anything. I can’t get anything done in this state. Just please give me the space that I need, and I promise I will get back in touch with you later when I’m in a state where you will actually want to see me. I do love all of you, but sometimes I need a break, too.

So, this week, if you wonder why I’m not calling you or I can’t make any plans with you, please refer to this blog entry. And in a week or two, when this blows over and I feel better, I will call you (or email you.) I promise. Thank you for caring about me enough to make that phone call or send that email/text message.