So there’s a “63 questions, 63 answers” meme going around right now. Most of the questions are really ho-hum, but I think I’ll respond to a few that are interesting for me.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
There are a few, but I’ve actually never met anyone who is the same day, month, and year as me. Notable people also born on July 21: Robin Williams; Janet Reno (hehehe.)

2. Where was your first kiss?
Summer camp when I was in junior high. Note: Kissing me when you have just drunk a lot of Pepsi is nasty. :-/

6. What’s the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Eyes and smile.

11. Say something totally random about yourself.
I wish more people would understand who I really am.

12. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
People have told me I act like, or somewhat look like, Kate Botello, who was most famous for co-hosting The Screen Savers with Leo Laporte on TechTV. I didn’t watch much of the show, so I’m not really sure if this has any merit.

14. Did you have braces?
Yes. For 5 years…and my teeth still aren’t perfect. 🙁

15. Are you comfortable with your height?
When I was younger, my dad gave me an article about a study that showed that taller women were more likely to succeed than shorter women, and said “I hope you grow up to be at least 5’7″.” (This should give you a lot of clues about my childhood. That, and stuff like the fact that I had a subscription to The Wall Street Journal before most kids even knew what a newspaper was.) I turned out to be 5’5″. I am OK with this; I wouldn’t mind being taller, but I’d probably be even more intimidating to guys if I was… they already don’t know how to react to an outgoing, aggressive, tech-literate and geeky female. 😉

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?
Moved to California to be with me. (FG claims the prize!)

17. When do you know it’s love?
When it curls up in your lap, purrs like crazy, and then falls asleep while sighing contentedly. That’s love.

24. What’s something that really annoys you?
Oh boy! Lots of things. Here are my top 2. #1: Blogs with no “About” page. I get to read about what you ate for lunch, but I don’t even know your real name… that’s just weird. #2: People who don’t use turn signals to change lanes… DAD, I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS, SO USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL!!!

25. What’s something you really like?
The fact that I’ve shaped my entire life to be the way that I want it, without feeling constrained by those who said “You’ll never succeed.”

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Yes.

33. When you’re completely burned out, what’s a good way to recharge (other than sleep)?
Several ways, depending on whether I’m alone or with someone else. Alone: Meditate or astral travel. With someone else: Sex, or help them meditate, or dive into their soul and help them fix things. The happiest time I’ve had recently was last weekend, when I got to really bond with a close friend and help him figure out his life. I was just filled with the pure joy of being immersed in helping someone else and seeing his whole viewpoint of life change. I saw his whole wall system and defensive shield against the bad things in his life crumble, and I saw who he truly was for a few minutes. It was amazing how much depth was there in his soul. I was truly moved.

34. What’s your favourite place that you’ve travelled to?
Santa Barbara. One reason is because it was beautiful. The other reason is because I did it myself, with no one else, and, in fact, skipped work to do it. I needed a vacation and I made it happen. It was great. I called my boss that morning and said “I won’t be in to work today. I’m in Santa Barbara!” Him: “… Oh. Um, okay.” 😀

35. What do you want to try that you haven’t yet?
So many things, so little time… but if I had to pick one thing, it would be travelling around the world and meeting amazing and unique people. I really thrive on that.

42. What was your undergraduate major, and was it always that or did you switch?
I started an MIS major and dropped out of school after a year and a half. I could go back someday. Right now it’s not a high priority. I can tell you for sure that if I did go back, I wouldn’t major in MIS. I’d probably do anthropology, psychology, or something else in the science dept. Science was always my favorite subject in school.

50. What’s something other people like that you just can’t get into?
Wine. Really, alcohol in general. I’m not a big fan of how alcohol makes me feel… it makes me kind of crazy at first, then depressed. Yuck. Honestly, I’ve pretty much sworn off alcohol at this point. I think the last time I drank was in August.

52. When your heart breaks, how do you put it back together?
Time, and figuring out who I really am.

53. Should the following be exterminated:
white briefs:
Well, you can wear them, but why? Ew. They’re just not attractive.

flip flops in the office:
Heck no! My employees and I walk around barefoot sometimes. Comfort is key. What’s wrong with that?

61. Are you thrifty?
Well, yes and no. I buy really, really nice stuff. But I’m a hardcore negotiator. I get a lot of stuff used, since I figure I’m going to be using it anyway, and who cares, really? My house looks like it has a lot of expensive stuff in it, but really, most of it is just canvassing craigslist, eBay, and various “closeout” stores like TJ Maxx. I do not (generally) shop at thrift stores; clothes are the one exception to my rule… I don’t like buying them used and I love really nice stuff, but I do generally get it on sale. I always buy “normal” khaki pants, etc. at TJ Maxx, but my really cool shirts/pants might cost $150+ each, and I don’t mind paying that because I know I’m going to be wearing something totally unique.

zee end! Enjoy.

Over at Simpli, things are starting to return to “normal” (by whatever metric you would like to define “normal”.) Brandon is leaving on Friday, so we hired Russ, a customer of ours, to replace him. In fact, when Brandon told me he was leaving, I was on the phone not 10 minutes later with Russ, letting him know that the position was available. He decided to move out here from Michigan and take the position, and right now he and Brandon are in some intense training to get him up to speed in 5 business days. It’s definitely going to be an interesting transition. I think it will be successful — otherwise, I wouldn’t have hired Russ — but there will be a couple weeks there where there will be some confusion because of something that only Brandon knew. Fortunately, I will still be able to call Brandon in sometimes if necessary. I’ll send out an email with details about Russ’s hiring to our customers today.

We have more challenges coming up with Simpli, which I will detail in future blogs, but right now things are moving relatively smoothly. Of course, I know I can’t get complacent, but I do more than my fair share of worrying about everything on a regular basis, so I think it’s okay to say “Hey, we’re doing well right now.” And we are. September, 2005 was our best month ever, far surpassing even my best revenue estimates, and we managed to pay down some of our debt and still have a surplus. I’m really grateful that everything went so well in September. This month, we’re actually doing some new promotions and advertising a bit (just so I can try to beat September’s revenue!) That should be fun, too.

On to my personal life. Over the past week, a lot of my thoughts have focused on “What do I really want out of life?” I’m a firm believer in the theory that we shape our own destinies; that anything we can imagine, focus on, and create a path to is within our collective grasp. This belief has changed my perception of myself, first and foremost, and now that I’m doing better with regards to my emotional health, I can start to focus on what I want to do next. That’s not to say that I’m going to run away from Simpli–not at all! I love Simpli and what it’s grown into, and I want to continue running it for the foreseeable future. But I’m starting to have more free time, and I’m interested in exploring and studying things other than computers and web hosting during that free time. Forex is cool and I expect I will continue to do Forex (though I haven’t had much time lately), but I want to understand more about how the world works and (my favorite subject) the fascinating interconnections between religion, spirituality, and scientific pursuits.

I know that writing a book about my spiritual beliefs will be a staggering undertaking. For one thing, my spiritual beliefs are not as well-defined as some people’s are. (But then again, if they were that well-defined, would they truly be mine?) So, if I can imagine anything to be possible, create a detailed path to it, and then achieve it, what is it that I want to achieve with this book of mine?

I wrote a bit about the book in this blog entry from November 2004. Today, almost a year later, I went back and revisited that blog entry. A couple more pieces have come together in the past 11 months. First, although I want to reference Christianity, I don’t want to focus on it. Why? 2 reasons: 1) I want this book to have a wider appeal than Christians. There are already plenty of books out there for Christians. Despite Christianity being the dominant religion in our society, I don’t think it’s necessarily “better” or “worse” than any other religion. 2) I haven’t been a practicing Christian for several years, and I’m concerned that some Christians would discredit any theories about religion that didn’t come directly from a Christian. I still believe that my book should recognize the good things in Christianity, but I also believe I need to write about where other religions got it right.

2004 was all about the study of religions for me. I tried out different churches. I read books about different religions. (I tried to stay in the realm of the analytical books that talked about the religions, but also read several holy books themselves.) I went to different churches, which I think was the most enjoyable part of the whole experience, because I found something at every church to like.

2005 is the study of science and how that interacts with religion and spiritual beliefs. I’m slowly wrapping my head around quantum physics and reading books about it. I’m trying to figure out whether quantum physics and other far-out-there scientific studies can be used to give us a more complete picture of what God looks like. In my studying, I’ve gone all the way from “There is no God” to “I’m not sure” to “There is definitely a God”. I stayed on the “There is definitely a God” track and am now working on expanding that into what God is. Is God simply the collective consciousness of all of us, and we just work together in some mysterious harmonic pattern? Or is there actually a being/presence out there who coordinates it all? Assuming a being/presence, who is this being, and how did it come into existence? Why does it not show itself? Or does it show itself, and we just can’t see it? The questions are endless and have been pondered ever since we realized consciousness. What’s most interesting to me is that quantum physics, which would definitely be on the leading edge of science, is trying to use science to determine the answers to these same questions. This seems to indicate a convergence of science (led by technology) and religion/spirituality. I’d like my book to run squarely in the middle of those two ideas, perhaps fusing them together in a way that could show commonalities between the extreme of “I believe in science, not God” and “I believe in God, not science.”

The other key is that I want to write the book in a way that will appeal to spiritual seekers who are not necessarily well-versed in either spiritual studies or science. In other words, I’d like to explain what other spiritual seekers throughout the ages have thought and how, perhaps, there is something underlying their teachings — a common theme of love and banding together instead of hate and separation.

I know that was a lot for one blog entry, but I have lofty goals. 😉 As I figure out more of what I want to write, I’ll put it here. Perhaps eventually I can stitch my book together by expanding on my blog posts!

So, after 13 months with Simpli, Brandon has officially put in his notice. He’s leaving for an opportunity in the security field, which is where he wanted to be. There are no hard feelings on either side… I know and understand his motivations, and he told me “I truly enjoyed working for Simpli. I actually enjoyed coming to work every day!”

His last day is Friday, October 7, and he will be missed. (By the way, if you’re a hosting customer, you’ll get an email about this separately, but I’m blogging it now to chew on the more personal side of it.)

I guess I saw this coming. The Simpli sysadmin job is an entry-to-mid-level position. At some point, the person in that job will grow out of it. I expect a similar thing will happen with both Mooneer and Ben at some point — they’ll both want to move on, and we’ll begin a new cycle of hiring. Brandon is really a lot of the “glue” that holds Simpli together, and I won’t argue that the transition will be difficult. However, the key will be making sure our processes are documented so that when a customer says “I want a …!” that we know exactly how to provide them with that. The other big challenge will be making the transition so that if there’s a customer problem or something that needs to be taken care of Right Away, we know how to do it and don’t irritate the customer with unnecessary downtime or delays in answering tickets. The good news is that we did pull off the transition really well when C left, and honestly, even when Brandon came on last year, it went smoothly. Brandon’s role is much more ingrained now than anyone else’s ever has been, which is the part that scares me, but something tells me I’m going to pull this off through sheer determination if nothing else.

With this transition, also, there will be new and interesting things that develop. It is really fun to bring on a new person and watch that person adjust to work habits at Simpli. Since the sysadmin job is pretty autonomous, and can vary widely on a daily basis, there will inevitably be changes in how things are done. That is the part I’m most looking forward to — watching the new person automate tasks that weren’t automated before, or bringing ideas to the table that weren’t there before. New ideas and fresh blood almost always improves the customer experience, and this new person will definitely bring a refreshing perspective to how Simpli is run.

It’s interesting how running a company ebbs and flows. Some weeks I will do little more than answer emails and phone calls, and some weeks I’m in it, running the company 24×7, getting my hands dirty, and realizing it’s 1AM and I still have a lot of work to do! I feel like the balance just shifted — I had been taking it (relatively) easy for the past few weeks, and now it’s going to be “getting my hands dirty” mode for the next 2 or 3 weeks. This might be good, as I’m getting ready to promote some new dedicated server specials anyway. 😉

I’ll update SlashChick.com when I hire Brandon’s replacement. Wish me luck!

I think it’s probably time for an update on how I’ve been doing personally. It’s been almost two months since the crazy rollercoaster weekend, and in a week I’ll be headed back to IBI, so I should probably update now.

I have changed so much in the past year that it shocks me to look back and realize how far I’ve come. And that’s why I choose to talk about integrity in this blog (especially since the issue of integrity has just come up with someone I’m close to.)

Let’s do a quick recap.

January ’05: I go to Landmark Forum, where they tell me I lack integrity because I’m late to everything. No, I mean everything. I couldn’t be on time to save my life. I missed planes, lost clients, infuriated my friends, and ruined entire relationships because I was just “too busy” to put in the effort to show up on time (or show up at all.) I lost thousands of dollars over it…countless thousands. I burned friendships and client relationships. I lost hosting customers over it. I lost development customers over it. And it hurt every relationship and friendship I had because my friends couldn’t trust me. But until January, I denied that I had a problem. “This is just who I am,” I’d explain. “Hey, I’m a busy person. I’m sorry I’m late, but a client called just as I was walking out the door.” While that was often “true” (as true as any excuse could be), it wasn’t the real reason I was late all the time.

I did a lot of soul-searching after Landmark. First of all, Landmark rekindled the precarious relationship I had with my mother by forcing me to call her and explain that I was upset with her, and why. We both ended up crying during that phone call, and Mom said (for the first time in probably 10 years) that she was proud of me. That was a huge moment in my life.

But I still didn’t get the message about integrity.

In fact, I didn’t get that message until N (whom I was dating at that time) said “Hey, look, I don’t even want to be around you any more. I can’t trust you in business relationships or in personal relationships.” This was devastating to hear from my boyfriend. More soul-searching ensued. Why couldn’t I be on time or show up to events at all? Why was I missing deadlines a good part of the time, or ending up having to cram everything in at the last minute?

Then I remembered my mother again. She used to lecture me about being on time to things. In fact, she was so insistent about it that it actually drove me to not be on time for most things, just to irritate her. (Ah, the joys of being a kid!) The one thing that irked me was that she was constantly nagging me to be on time, but it felt empty to me since she hadn’t adequately explained why. “You will be on time because that’s what you’re supposed to do,” she said. That made absolutely no sense to me, so I decided she was just being a dictator, and rebelled. I was 23 years old before I realized I was still playing a child’s game of “You can’t make me!”

It wasn’t until Landmark (and N’s followup) that I finally got it. Why did I have to follow through and do what I said I was going to do? Why did I need to be on time to events or meetings? It’s because your word is all you have in this world. It’s pretty simple, really. If someone doesn’t know you, and you show up late with a lame excuse, the meeting immediately starts off in a negative tone. It’s even worse if they already do know you, because that person is counting on you to be there. That person has put his or her trust and faith in you to show up, and you have destroyed that trust. It’s amazing how it can take weeks or months to build up a web of trust and intimacy–which can be destroyed with a single phone call or a single action not taken. It’s insane how fragile even the most intimate relationship can become when one thing your partner trusted you to do isn’t done.

Over the past 9 months, I’ve made an effort to become a person of integrity. To say it’s hard would be the understatement of my life. I’ve fought against (and overcome) the “You can’t make me!” instinct. I’ve eliminated excuses from my vocabulary and replaced them with sincere apologies and assurances that I’ve changed my life so that this particular lack of integrity will not happen again. Finally, I’ve followed through with the changes I’ve needed to make, including eliminating side jobs and finding a comfortable balance between work and life, to ensure that I won’t make those mistakes again.

Still, I flub up every so often. I lost a potential customer this week (that’s $900 of lost income over the next year, plus any referrals from her, plus potentially any other referrals from the person who referred her to us) because I didn’t follow up with an email. A single email–a single failing of my promise of integrity–cost my company potentially thousands of dollars in revenue from this particular potential client. But I have to say that instead of failing in maybe 1 out of every 2 instances (being late is considered a failure!), I’m now failing in perhaps 1 out of every 50. And, as my integrity becomes more ingrained and more a part of my nature as opposed to something awkward and new, I expect that to be even less.

As far as the crazy rollercoaster weekend goes, I haven’t been depressed since then. Words cannot describe the sea change in my attitude and personality over the past 7 weeks. I had waves of emotion before this happened–sweeping depressions, mood swings, and the whole bit. I haven’t had any since. Believe it or not, what happened to me in the first 3 days of my life, and while I was in the womb, set the stage for a monster depression that lasted 11 years of my life (and perhaps even farther back, but that’s how much I remember.) And now, 7 weeks later, I know it’s over. That stage of my life is over, and I am here, a beautiful person, ready to take on the world and win.

So what of integrity? I didn’t think I could change. I didn’t want to change. But I changed. And it’s a minute-by-minute, day-by-day commitment to making myself a better person and being able to admit my failings as well as cheer on my successes. We signed a $598/month contract with a customer on Thursday…and he paid a year up front! That’s an incredible victory. It is the foreshadowing of many to come, because I stepped up and made myself a better person and followed through with what I said I was going to do. That’s what living a life of integrity has brought me, and I’m glad I finally figured it out.

Hooray! After 4 years, 10 months of owning leetle zoom, he finally turned 100K on 9/12/2005. I am so proud of my cute lil baby car!

P.S. “Leetle” is pronounced “lee-tull” and means “little”. It’s my word for my car. 😉