So, after 13 months with Simpli, Brandon has officially put in his notice. He’s leaving for an opportunity in the security field, which is where he wanted to be. There are no hard feelings on either side… I know and understand his motivations, and he told me “I truly enjoyed working for Simpli. I actually enjoyed coming to work every day!”
His last day is Friday, October 7, and he will be missed. (By the way, if you’re a hosting customer, you’ll get an email about this separately, but I’m blogging it now to chew on the more personal side of it.)
I guess I saw this coming. The Simpli sysadmin job is an entry-to-mid-level position. At some point, the person in that job will grow out of it. I expect a similar thing will happen with both Mooneer and Ben at some point — they’ll both want to move on, and we’ll begin a new cycle of hiring. Brandon is really a lot of the “glue” that holds Simpli together, and I won’t argue that the transition will be difficult. However, the key will be making sure our processes are documented so that when a customer says “I want a …!” that we know exactly how to provide them with that. The other big challenge will be making the transition so that if there’s a customer problem or something that needs to be taken care of Right Away, we know how to do it and don’t irritate the customer with unnecessary downtime or delays in answering tickets. The good news is that we did pull off the transition really well when C left, and honestly, even when Brandon came on last year, it went smoothly. Brandon’s role is much more ingrained now than anyone else’s ever has been, which is the part that scares me, but something tells me I’m going to pull this off through sheer determination if nothing else.
With this transition, also, there will be new and interesting things that develop. It is really fun to bring on a new person and watch that person adjust to work habits at Simpli. Since the sysadmin job is pretty autonomous, and can vary widely on a daily basis, there will inevitably be changes in how things are done. That is the part I’m most looking forward to — watching the new person automate tasks that weren’t automated before, or bringing ideas to the table that weren’t there before. New ideas and fresh blood almost always improves the customer experience, and this new person will definitely bring a refreshing perspective to how Simpli is run.
It’s interesting how running a company ebbs and flows. Some weeks I will do little more than answer emails and phone calls, and some weeks I’m in it, running the company 24×7, getting my hands dirty, and realizing it’s 1AM and I still have a lot of work to do! I feel like the balance just shifted — I had been taking it (relatively) easy for the past few weeks, and now it’s going to be “getting my hands dirty” mode for the next 2 or 3 weeks. This might be good, as I’m getting ready to promote some new dedicated server specials anyway. 😉
I’ll update SlashChick.com when I hire Brandon’s replacement. Wish me luck!
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I think it’s probably time for an update on how I’ve been doing personally. It’s been almost two months since the crazy rollercoaster weekend, and in a week I’ll be headed back to IBI, so I should probably update now.
I have changed so much in the past year that it shocks me to look back and realize how far I’ve come. And that’s why I choose to talk about integrity in this blog (especially since the issue of integrity has just come up with someone I’m close to.)
Let’s do a quick recap.
January ’05: I go to Landmark Forum, where they tell me I lack integrity because I’m late to everything. No, I mean everything. I couldn’t be on time to save my life. I missed planes, lost clients, infuriated my friends, and ruined entire relationships because I was just “too busy” to put in the effort to show up on time (or show up at all.) I lost thousands of dollars over it…countless thousands. I burned friendships and client relationships. I lost hosting customers over it. I lost development customers over it. And it hurt every relationship and friendship I had because my friends couldn’t trust me. But until January, I denied that I had a problem. “This is just who I am,” I’d explain. “Hey, I’m a busy person. I’m sorry I’m late, but a client called just as I was walking out the door.” While that was often “true” (as true as any excuse could be), it wasn’t the real reason I was late all the time.
I did a lot of soul-searching after Landmark. First of all, Landmark rekindled the precarious relationship I had with my mother by forcing me to call her and explain that I was upset with her, and why. We both ended up crying during that phone call, and Mom said (for the first time in probably 10 years) that she was proud of me. That was a huge moment in my life.
But I still didn’t get the message about integrity.
In fact, I didn’t get that message until N (whom I was dating at that time) said “Hey, look, I don’t even want to be around you any more. I can’t trust you in business relationships or in personal relationships.” This was devastating to hear from my boyfriend. More soul-searching ensued. Why couldn’t I be on time or show up to events at all? Why was I missing deadlines a good part of the time, or ending up having to cram everything in at the last minute?
Then I remembered my mother again. She used to lecture me about being on time to things. In fact, she was so insistent about it that it actually drove me to not be on time for most things, just to irritate her. (Ah, the joys of being a kid!) The one thing that irked me was that she was constantly nagging me to be on time, but it felt empty to me since she hadn’t adequately explained why. “You will be on time because that’s what you’re supposed to do,” she said. That made absolutely no sense to me, so I decided she was just being a dictator, and rebelled. I was 23 years old before I realized I was still playing a child’s game of “You can’t make me!”
It wasn’t until Landmark (and N’s followup) that I finally got it. Why did I have to follow through and do what I said I was going to do? Why did I need to be on time to events or meetings? It’s because your word is all you have in this world. It’s pretty simple, really. If someone doesn’t know you, and you show up late with a lame excuse, the meeting immediately starts off in a negative tone. It’s even worse if they already do know you, because that person is counting on you to be there. That person has put his or her trust and faith in you to show up, and you have destroyed that trust. It’s amazing how it can take weeks or months to build up a web of trust and intimacy–which can be destroyed with a single phone call or a single action not taken. It’s insane how fragile even the most intimate relationship can become when one thing your partner trusted you to do isn’t done.
Over the past 9 months, I’ve made an effort to become a person of integrity. To say it’s hard would be the understatement of my life. I’ve fought against (and overcome) the “You can’t make me!” instinct. I’ve eliminated excuses from my vocabulary and replaced them with sincere apologies and assurances that I’ve changed my life so that this particular lack of integrity will not happen again. Finally, I’ve followed through with the changes I’ve needed to make, including eliminating side jobs and finding a comfortable balance between work and life, to ensure that I won’t make those mistakes again.
Still, I flub up every so often. I lost a potential customer this week (that’s $900 of lost income over the next year, plus any referrals from her, plus potentially any other referrals from the person who referred her to us) because I didn’t follow up with an email. A single email–a single failing of my promise of integrity–cost my company potentially thousands of dollars in revenue from this particular potential client. But I have to say that instead of failing in maybe 1 out of every 2 instances (being late is considered a failure!), I’m now failing in perhaps 1 out of every 50. And, as my integrity becomes more ingrained and more a part of my nature as opposed to something awkward and new, I expect that to be even less.
As far as the crazy rollercoaster weekend goes, I haven’t been depressed since then. Words cannot describe the sea change in my attitude and personality over the past 7 weeks. I had waves of emotion before this happened–sweeping depressions, mood swings, and the whole bit. I haven’t had any since. Believe it or not, what happened to me in the first 3 days of my life, and while I was in the womb, set the stage for a monster depression that lasted 11 years of my life (and perhaps even farther back, but that’s how much I remember.) And now, 7 weeks later, I know it’s over. That stage of my life is over, and I am here, a beautiful person, ready to take on the world and win.
So what of integrity? I didn’t think I could change. I didn’t want to change. But I changed. And it’s a minute-by-minute, day-by-day commitment to making myself a better person and being able to admit my failings as well as cheer on my successes. We signed a $598/month contract with a customer on Thursday…and he paid a year up front! That’s an incredible victory. It is the foreshadowing of many to come, because I stepped up and made myself a better person and followed through with what I said I was going to do. That’s what living a life of integrity has brought me, and I’m glad I finally figured it out.
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Okay, I admit it. I’ve been back for a few days and I’ve been procrastinating about writing this blog. Burning Man was such an intense and different week for me that I know I’m either going to write this incredibly long blog about it, or give up entirely and fall over dead before I finish writing about it.
First of all, pictures are here. Have fun digging through them. I’ve tried to rotate them and add titles and descriptions wherever possible. Enjoy!
Where the heck do I begin? I carpooled up with Kristen, who is one of Andrew’s friends. We were running late and didn’t get there until Tuesday morning around 2:30AM. That night sucked, to put it mildly. I got blasted with a super soaker from some random crazy drunk guy; I couldn’t find the tent I was supposed to be borrowing from another camp member; I had a horrible fear of porta-potties; and I slept badly.
The next two days or so, I slowly adjusted to life without email, phones, toilets, money, air conditioning, or running water. The first day was by far my worst; I started coming out of my shell after that and getting more adapted to the environment. I walked around with Andrew and went to see tons of great art installations. The really cool thing about Burning Man is that all of the art installations are interactive. I found everything from a giant drum set to a big blue head with an entire room in the back of it to a bookmobile that roamed around the playa to a giant magnetic poetry wall to lots of tiny art installations that did something interesting and unique. In the meantime, I was also slowly adapting to the weather (hot during the day, really cold at night, and with random dust storms.)
Burning Man really is an indescribable experience. It’s about so much more than pooing in portapotties and living with little or no modern amenities. It’s even about more than just going around the playa and playing with huge interactive art pieces. The best way to explain it is simply that you have freedom to do absolutely whatever the hell you want to do (within the confines of the environment.) Want to walk around naked? Sure! Want to dress up like the opposite sex? Heck, you’ll look normal. Want to tell people you’re something you’re not? Have sex or make out with someone you normally wouldn’t? Take any kind of drug you’ve ever wanted to try? Go to a rave that lasts for 5 straight days? Yep, you can do that. At Burning Man, you can be whoever the heck you want; try on new personalities as others try on clothes, and take risks you probably wouldn’t take in everyday life. In short, it is true freedom.
Oh yeah, and you can play Dance Dance Immolation, a DDR clone that requires a flame-proof suit and an oxygen line, because you will be shot in the face with a huge flame if you miss more than 3 steps.
Pure insanity.
I actually wasn’t too daring at Burning Man; I didn’t go for the hard drugs and didn’t run around naked. I did meet someone I really like, though! I’ll name him R for the purposes of this blog… he is a total cutie, and he and I hit it off amazingly well, so I’ll definitely be writing more about him in the future! 😉 (Fortunately, like most of the people in our camp, he lives in the Bay Area, so at least there isn’t distance to contend with.) I also definitely have some highlights: I participated in a huge pillow fight; I was spun around on a platform while watching trippy visualizations (which was one of the best highs I have ever had without drugs being involved); and (one of my favorite parts of the trip) I listened to Paul Oakenfold spinning live through the night at an outdoor club, complete with shooting flames that erupted at climactic points in the music!
I had a really incredible time and I will be back next year, although for next year I’m going to get some sort of camper so I can sleep through the noise… I’m such a light sleeper that I got awakened many times throughout the night by thumping music or freezing cold temperatures.
For those of you curious about Burning Man, and since it’s nearly impossible to describe to someone who hasn’t been there, Morford sums it up pretty well. That column was written in 2001, but remains fairly accurate.
Back to the “real world”! Phew, I’m exhausted…
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