This is for those of you who know me pretty well. I’m blogging this here so next time this happens and you ask “Why?” or “What did I do?”, I can just point you here.

I sometimes go through this phase where I get overly emotional and, for lack of better words, collapse into a pile of tears. The phase usually lasts until I go to sleep and sleep it off, and then I’m okay the next day.

Since I can feel myself going through one right now, but no one else is here so I’m not distracted, I’m going to blog what happens. I don’t really think there’s a “fix” for it; I’ve had them for 10+ years. But perhaps blogging about it will lead to a better understanding on everyone’s part.

1) The first thing that has to happen is that I’m feeling overwhelmed and/or pressured to get something done on a deadline. This, in itself, will not cause it, but it has to be there first.
2) Something pushes me over the edge. I’ll be honest — about 99% of the time it’s a phone call. I have a seething hate for phone calls, especially when they wake me up in the morning. Today it happened to be a phone call from a grumpy client.
3) Once 2 is over, I’ve been pushed over my limit of stress for the day, and my brain shuts down. (I don’t know why it shuts down, but it does.) The stress hits me full-on and I feel nauseous. I’m unable to focus on anything except that there is way too much for me to do. I feel completely overwhelmed. My instincts tell me to run, so I do… this is when you’ll see me sleeping it off or playing a game — anything to get away from the stress.
4) I wake up totally exhausted and grudgingly get whatever work I need to do done.

I don’t know how to break this cycle, other than not feeling overwhelmed in the first place. Do any of you go through something like this? If you do, I am open to suggestions.

I just read over the last blog I wrote. Funny how 3 weeks have passed and things are still basically the same. The sub-company websites had a lot of delays but are finally coming together. My goal is to have them both online by the time I leave for IBI at the end of the month.

We put a GigE connection online at Simpli, which should dramatically improve our service. The addition of the GigE means that we now have two redundant connections to AboveNet, which isolates us from router reboots on their end. It also means it will take a lot more to DoS us out of existence.

Brandon and C have been working well together. C was out here for a week this month. He and Brandon accomplished a lot. It really is a good fit and I’m glad I trusted my instincts and hired him.

Our new office is being put together as we speak. We officially moved in on February 1, but there was a lot of cleanup to do. All of that office furniture we got for $1500 (which, by the way, was a sweet deal — it’s worth $7-8K) had a lot of personal items in it, and we’ve been piling the personal items up in a corner for the previous owner to come pick up. There is also a wide assortment of junk — everything from crappy computer speakers to dead plants to kids’ VHS videos (?!). Brandon is sorting through it.

They had a router and a wireless access point set up there, but we can’t figure out how to reset the password on the router, so it’s being trashed and we’re buying a new one. It’s probably just as well anyway, as I’d like to have 802.11g instead of 802.11b there.

Relationship-wise, things are going pretty well. The problem with dating someone a lot like me is that we both know exactly how to push each other’s buttons, which means we end up fighting more than I have in previous relationships. I have trust issues (I don’t generally trust anyone but myself) and that’s making it difficult from my end, as N sees this and is frustrated by it. He’s also frustrated by the fact that I can’t ever seem to be on time to anything. This I can truthfully blame on my mother…oh, okay, it’s really my fault, but I know exactly why I’m like this. I’m like this because when I was younger, my mother always wanted me to be on time.

The problem that my mother and I most often had was that she’d tell me something she wanted me to do, like be on time, but she’d never tell me why it was important. In fact, it wasn’t until I went to Landmark last month that I learned why it was so important to be on time. My mother always thought that I’d do it just because it was the right thing to do, but I don’t work like that. I don’t do something unless I know exactly what the benefits are. What are the benefits? Well, according to Landmark (and according to N, who somehow picked this up without Landmark) it’s all about keeping your word. Your word is all you have in this life, and if you don’t keep it, people have a harder time trusting you in other areas.

I am 23 years old and that’s the first time anyone has explained that me being late equates to people being less likely to trust me. Now, from there, I can figure out why I need to be on time. And I’m honestly shocked that (since the “why” was relatively easy) my mother couldn’t explain it to me. Maybe I just wasn’t listening (heh), but I really never made that connection.

So I’m working on being on time. Not that it’s easy. When you’ve been late your whole life, suddenly being on time is scary. Even worse is the fact that I hate being early. I am actually scared to be early because I won’t know what to do with myself. With the Treo, that’s less of a worry, but it’s still foreign to me to ever be early for anything.

I have the Landmark advanced forum this week on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. That means I will be completely exhausted come Monday. N is also doing Landmark that weekend in Sacramento. I am worried that he won’t get as much out of it as I did, since they focus a lot on honor and trust and he already knows most of that. He will still benefit from the discussions about rackets, and I think that he’ll be able to sleep better and have fewer nightmares after it. For those of you asking what Landmark is, I’ll try to write another blog about it at some point. Suffice it to say that it’s good stuff and worth going to. They do forums all over the country, so if you’re interested, there is probably one near you.

I have a lot more to add, but this is good enough for one blog entry. I’m going to make a more specific blog entry now and then call it a night.

Wow. I know I haven’t updated in a while; I apologize for that. I simply haven’t had time to do anything lately.

We finally dug ourselves out of the driveway in Indiana (I’m waiting for my mom and uncle to forward me their pictures of it since mine didn’t turn out), and I came back to California for New Year’s.

2004 was the close of a big year for me — Simpli’s biggest year yet (we tripled in size since 2003), and overall a highly stressful year for me. I was feeling awful for a lot of the year since I was taking on too much work. At IBI 1204, the biggest thing that came out for me was that I was just drained and exhausted. Having my own business should be fun, but for me, too often, it resulted in sleepless nights, customers who were driving me up the wall, and health problems (my wrists being the #1 culprit; it got so bad in December that I was actually unable to type for 2 days.) Changes had to be made; that was clear.

So, in a complete and utter change of pace, I hired C as my COO and let him take over the day-to-day operations of Simpli.

I can hear all your mouths dropping right now. “You hired C? After all of your personal problems, etc. with him?” Yes, I did. Why? Two big reasons.

1) He’s extremely talented at leading teams. He has been in IT longer than I have been alive. He shows intelligence and thoughtfulness at leading, and he spoils his teams rotten. His management style is far different from mine, but it’s effective and that’s what is important. (Mine, at this point in time, is not effective because I do not have time to properly manage a team and still do all the other responsibilities of my job.)

2) For all of the personal things we have been through, he’s still a damn good person who deserves a great position at a stable and growing company where he can really flourish, and Simpli was a clear fit for him and his experience.

C has been kicking butt at Simpli lately, setting up a to-do list, forcing me to stick to agreed-upon deadlines (thank you!), and generally cleaning up the place. I’ve received loads of compliments from customers about him, as well. I am quite relieved and proud that he is working out well.

On to things about me. Oh, sheesh, where do I begin? First of all, this New Year was the best New Year I have ever had, mostly because for the first time I can remember I actually let go 100% and stopped caring about what everyone thought. I danced and danced and danced.

I have more to update. At IBI 1204 I met a really interesting guy who is now my boyfriend. In keeping with the tradition of not naming real names, I’ll call him N. We have been dating for a little over a month now and so far it’s been going really great. He was the one who took me dancing for New Years, and we’ve had a couple fun outings since, including skiing last weekend in Tahoe.

N is not like most of the other guys I’ve dated. First of all, he isn’t a geek. Does it surprise you? I bet it doesn’t surprise you if you know me well. It surprised me at first, but then I looked back at who I really was and it dawned on me that being a computer geek is a just fun aside that also happens to tie into my business. What’s the real me? Well, being a serial entrepreneur, of course! N also happens to be a serial entrepreneur, so that’s all good. We have fun plotting out company ideas, developing strategic plans for our companies, and raising capital for our companies and other companies. I love the fact that he has the same true passion I have, which is starting businesses. We’re both extremely competitive, but since our companies are so different (his company manufactures a line of all-natural deodorants) we can help each other kick butt in different areas. This is really cool, and honestly, it’s a relief to not have to be competitive with him in the computer arena. He is Chinese, knows kung fu, and is a total cutie, too. 😉

So what’s next? Releasing two sub-companies of Simpli, one of which should be online on Friday. My wrists, having received a month’s hiatus, are feeling a lot better. I am up in Sacramento a lot since that’s where N lives. I’ve started to really enjoy my life and I do love who I am now. All in all, it’s a fantastic, amazing turnaround from just a few months ago.

I feel good.

Well, there are now 16 inches of snow on the ground, and there are no indications that it is stopping any time soon. We’ve been snowed in since this morning, which really disappointed me, since I haven’t done my Christmas shopping yet. The snow is finally supposed to stop tomorrow at noon. By that time, the weather folks are predicting a grand total of 24 inches. The county I am in (Franklin County, Indiana) has actually been hit the worst of any county in the Cincinnati area, which caused the powers that be to declare a level 2 snow emergency here earlier today (translation: don’t leave your house!)

I am pretty bored here, and it’s compounded by the fact that I haven’t been able to get out of the house. I am here with my parents, my aunt, and my uncle. My cousins are 20 miles away with my grandparents; we were supposed to see them tonight, but that was called off. Boredom has translated into my mother and I picking fights with each other, which isn’t a very pleasant experience.

Apparently we have decided that we’re going sledding as a family tomorrow (well, hey, there isn’t anything else to do.) My dad plowed the driveway today with the plow on the front of his Jeep and got the Jeep stuck somewhere in the driveway. It took 3 people to pull it out and get it unstuck.

Anyway, I have a bit of work to do tonight, so I should probably stop blogging about the snow. I’ll try to post some pictures tomorrow.

Well, IBI is over, and I am zonked (to sum everything up in a single word.)

IBI was great. I broke through a lot of hurdles in my life, the biggest one being that I really need to let go of the business and hire other people to help me run it. To that effect, I now have a COO position open in my company (and a couple people who are really interested in it.) I also broke through a few items in my personal life that were causing me some problems (namely that I didn’t have much of one.) I hope hiring some more people will help me balance my life; right now it’s work-work-work and people calling about server problems 24×7 and that’s not the way it should be.

I am now in Indiana with my family. My parents are doing okay. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week, and my mother is really stressed about it. The only benefit of her being stressed about that is that she is not stressing about me or my life. That is good.

My parents are also both workaholics (my dad will be 61 in a couple days and he is still working 10-12 hour days.) I am trying to help them figure out what they can do to balance their lives. My dad in particular is really unbalanced; he’s on various drugs (currently Ritalin) and he is convinced that this or that medication is all he needs to keep going. What he really needs is to develop a personal life (yes, the same thing that I have been working on) and stop working 24×7. I told him I started kung fu a few weeks ago to help obtain balance in my own life, and he thinks I am nuts. He needs to do something like that as well, though, and stop relying on “wonder drugs” to give him energy.

My mother is, well, my mother… she is being stubborn about her hearing loss again (although Dad told me a couple weeks ago that she is finally ready to give in and get a hearing aid so we can all stop having to yell in her general direction.) She’s also being stubborn about hiring a personal assistant; I told her this story last night about that (story courtesy IBI):

An man decides to start a business and receives a $50,000 investment from an investor as seed capital. With the investment, he hires a few employees to help him with his business, and uses the money as salary for himself for the first few months as well.

One Friday, the investor walks in and says to the business owner, “What are you working on today?” to which the business owner replies, “I’m doing payroll.”

The investor says, “You’re wasting my money.”

Surprised, the business owner puts his pen down and looks at the investor. “How am I wasting your money?” he asked.

“Because,” the investor says, “I invested in you to run this business and develop your product. Instead, you’re spending valuable hours of your time doing payroll, which is something you could easily delegate to your employees or an outside company.”

This is one of the real gems of IBI for me, and it’s one I pass on a lot. Figure out the value of your time. Are you (as a business owner) doing something that you can outsource or hire for $8-$25/hour?

I took this lesson to heart and spent a day writing down exactly what I did that day. To my surprise, I found I was spending 4-6 hours a day doing things that someone else could be hired to do for as little as $12/hour. In other words, I was not using my time effectively. I was wasting up to 35 hours a week doing menial jobs…and I wondered why my company wasn’t going anywhere!

IBI December, for me, was all about planning. I sat down and wrote pages of notes on where Simpli was now and where I wanted to go from here… what I wanted to be different, what I wanted to stay the same, and what I wanted to focus on for the future. It was the first time in months that I had time to do that. I’m planning on going back (I’m doing the whole week again!) in February. By then, I hope to have a COO and an intern on board, and I better have my own time planned more effectively so that I can really grow my business. IBI acts as a great milestone for these sorts of things; every time I go back, I expect to have certain objectives completed, and that week gives me an opportunity to re-focus my own goals and my company’s goals.

I’ll continue to update this week as my time in Indiana progresses. I’m around on my cell phone if any of you want to chat. (Yes, my voicemail box is full. No, I don’t care. 😉 )