Wow! A lot of things were checked off the to-do list today. First of all, Valorie called and asked me out to lunch. She is really pregnant and she is due in the next 24 hours! I am so excited for her and Doug. They are having a boy and they’ve decided to name him Cameron. I will post pictures as soon as I have them!

After lunch, I went to look at some office space with Brandon!! If you know me in person, you know that I’ll drag you around to every open house on the block just to look at places. I find real estate fascinating. One of my favorite things is stepping into an empty room and picturing all my stuff in it. (Hey, some people test-drive cars; I enjoy test-driving houses, and the more expensive, the better!)

We checked out two offices. The first one was 1200 square feet (we plan to sublet half of whatever we end up renting in order to subsidize our rent until we’re big enough to occupy all the square footage) and is on the second floor (elevator-accessible). It had one built-out office and the rest of the plan was open space, which the landlord said we could build to suit. The current company (a web design company) has gone out of business and has apparently abandoned the space, so I asked the landlord to tell them we’d just write them one big check for everything they wanted to get rid of. That means we may be able to write a single check for desks, phones, conference tables, chairs, computers, etc. That would certainly save me a lot of cash and a lot of headaches as well.

The second one was 1400 (or so) square feet, next door to the first one, and on the second floor of that building. Neither Brandon or I was as impressed by it, mainly because it was divided really strangely and felt like a maze to get through. They were also asking $1.60/sq.ft. as opposed to $1.26 for the first place. It was a no-brainer to pick the first one.

I came back home from looking at office space and rushed to get the business line paperwork faxed to Wells Fargo. I’ve been approved, but had to sign my life away. (hehe) I also faxed in an application to become a wholesale customer of MA Labs so I can buy PC parts at insanely low prices. We’ll see how that goes tomorrow.

After that, it was off to IBI (I actually grabbed dinner on the way and ate it at IBI since I knew I would be there late.) When I walked in, I was greeted by “ERICA!!” and lots of hugs. It is so cool to be in a place where everyone knows and loves you! Don was there; Don runs a wi-fi startup company and I love him to death. I showed him my new Treo 650, since he is also a Treo person, and it turns out he has one too! We both jumped up and down and said “YAY!” at each other over our new cell phones. LOL! (Treo addicts unite!)

I ended up staying from 7:15 all the way until 10:30. Kevin and I got some good business talks in, since we’re now partners in a new business (more info coming soon on that.) I got to meet the author of a book I’ve been reading (he’s a friend of another 1004 graduate.) Kevin spoke in front of the crowd and we had a blast picking at him from the peanut gallery. Since almost everyone there was a grad, it was like a bunch of old friends getting back together, and it was honestly one of the best local IBI meetings I have been to.

I am now looking forward to…bed. Ah, I might actually get 8 hours of sleep in tonight. Now that would be a miracle!

So I went to kung fu again tonight (er, last night as of a few minutes ago.) I do really enjoy kung fu. The best part about learning the moves I’m learning now (the six Chi Kung postures, which is Tai Chi-related) is that when you get them right, you can really feel your body work properly. It’s a unique experience for me (I’m used to rushing all over the place completely scatterbrained.)

Anyway, while I was waiting for our class to begin, I was watching the previous class, which is “belts” (the more typical kung fu with weapons, as opposed to the “sashes” class I am taking that focuses more on meditation.) There was this one adorable little girl there. She couldn’t have been more than 6 or 8 years old. She was standing there with a big grin on her face, totally cute and utterly normal-looking. The instructor was holding up a pad next to the girl. “Kick!” the instructor said, and this little tiny girl totally lashed out and kicked the crap out of the pad with her right foot. I mean, her foot was as high as her head! I was amazed.

Finally, the gong sounded to end class, and the little girl ran off, grinning the whole time. It was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. When I have kids, they will kick ass just like this little girl did. That was so cool. I only wish I had been introduced to kung fu so early.

I was reading through some old emails from 1999 and 2000, and discovered one with this choice quote in it (directed to me and written in early 2000):

“Its funny, it seems to me that on tv the only thing that girls harp on guys for is saying (or not saying) ‘I love you.’ But you want to hear ‘I was wrong’ or ‘You were right.’ What a strange girl you are.”

I think that says a lot about me, and not all of that is good. I am still not sure what to do with this information. But I think it will change the way I deal with certain things.

I am so amazed. Just when I thought I was going to be okay, WHAM! Life decided to smack me around a little bit more.

I am convinced that whoever set my life’s path (me, perhaps?) had a great sense of humor. Either that or God just really likes irony. I’m not sure which.

First, a quick update: Kung fu was good. This class starts out by teaching you tai chi, which I am learning now. After a few months, you progress into kung fu. Tai chi is interesting and I’ll definitely ride out the month with them. I’m a bit sore from all the exercises I did yesterday, but that’s because I was out of shape to begin with. This will help get me back in shape. That’s a good thing.

A couple things happened today that I am still reeling over. I called FG, very upset over some things that happened early this afternoon, and left him quite a distraught voicemail. He IM’ed a few minutes later and said “Want to meet somewhere?” Grateful to get out of the house and have someone to talk to who would understand, I drove up to a local food place and a long conversation ensued.

I wrote an interesting email today. I didn’t realize that I was still holding some pain in hurt inside of me for something that happened with an ex-boyfriend a while back. A friend of mine is going through one of those stages where he is insisting on having only non-serious relationships. Now, I did this for a long time as well. In fact, I have a friend who is 20 years older than I am, single, and who is still going through this stage.

Anyway, I told my friend that it really made me lose some respect for him to find out that he was basically being a player (as FG would put it.) He fired back with “Who are you to tell me that you don’t have respect for me when you just went through this whole thing with C…” (etc.)

The email I wrote back to him was pretty interesting even to me. I didn’t really know where I was going to go with it, only that I had to explain to my friend that I’d been through all this before. I also had to explain why I won’t go through it again; why I no longer get involved in non-serious relationships or “friends with benefits”.

You see, in January, I got involved in a relationship with a friend. At first, I thought this was just going to be a casual fling. It turned out to be way more than that, and he fell in love with me. I found out later that he wanted to propose to me. The relationship I had with him fell apart after a few months, and he tried to kill himself.

When you watch your best friend/now-ex-boyfriend lying on the floor, completely drugged out of his mind, angry, scared, and trying to kill himself, things change. For me, that day was a turning point. I may have not even known it then, but I’ll never forget calling the police, trying to get him to stop, anything… so that he would still be alive to see the next day. So, whenever I find someone now to whom I’m attracted, I remember that scene, with my best friend lying there on the floor, with me pouring alcohol down the drain and him yelling “Don’t touch me!” I’ll remember calling his mother and having to explain the whole situation to her while she was crying and yelling on the other end of the phone. Above all, I’ll always remember the look of mixed hatred, fear, depression, loneliness, and love in his eyes that day, and it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I know that that relationship almost killed my best friend. I know that it almost killed other people, and maybe even some innocent bystanders. And although I know that he had problems before we dated, I now have to live with the fact that I helped him get to that point. Although he has forgiven me, and we are regaining a lost friendship, I am still haunted by it. For 3 months I did not know whether he was alive or dead. I did not want to know. I knew that I couldn’t live with myself if he was dead.

That’s why I never want to be in a casual sex/kissing/whatever relationship again. It’s just not worth the pain. And for all of you out there, who, like my friend, say “That isn’t going to happen to me,” well, perhaps not. But whenever you get someone’s heart involved, you leave the door open for heartache. Sometimes, it’s best to just leave that door closed.

I know the people involved in this story are reading this blog. To my friend/ex-bf described above, don’t feel bad about me having to go through this; just know that it needed to be said, and I will be okay. To my friend I wrote that email to today, I just want you to know that the reason I said that I couldn’t respect you for that, even though it hurt you, was because I care about you deeply, and I never want anyone to have to go through what I went through earlier this year. Even if you say it’s casual, and she agrees, you never know whose heart is going to get mixed up in it and who will get hurt. It’s not worth the risk to leave that door open.

A. Like this! (click here)

I have said before that I can fit just about any item into a Miata. I fit a BBQ grill (I mean a big Weber one!) in it and I fit a 7’x1’x1′ curio cabinet into it. This time, though, I had a real challenge. I IM’ed my friend Zack and asked him if he wanted to do something in SF tonight, since he lives in the Mission district. He said sure, but the problem was that he was at work in Redwood City, which he takes Caltrain and a bike to. I told him we’d figure out how to fit the bike in the car, but I didn’t let him know I had a Miata. (hehe!)

Anyway, after about 15 minutes of work, we got it to fit, and we tied it down pretty securely. It stayed that way during the coooolllllld ride to SF. (Actually, it wasn’t that bad, as we were both bundled pretty warmly, and Miatas have good heaters.) We went to dinner at Tommy’s Joynt, which has to be one of my favorite places in SF to eat (fabulous food and cheap, too.) Then we wandered across the street to the AMC 1000 Van Ness, where I decided he really needed to see the SpongeBob SquarePants movie. (YAY! for SpongeBob!) The movie was hilarious; we saw the late showing so there were no kids, and David Hasselhoff made a rather…unusual…cameo. (See the movie; it’s great.)

Tomorrow is kung fu! I will update once it’s over with my first impressions.