I haven’t had a good hamburger in a while, and I’m looking for something more meaty than In-N-Out (which is more for when I’m craving cheese, I must admit.) I am off to a local diner place to see if their burgers will be any good.

I’m eating dinner early since tonight is IBI. I’ve already had two phone calls and an email from people asking if I will be there. (Oh, the pressure! 😉 ) IBI starts at 6:30. The last one I went to I ended up staying until 10:15PM, so I’m eating dinner early this time.

Saw a post on WHT today about big burgers, and someone mentioned a Big Mac. I promised myself never to eat McD’s again after watching Super Size Me, but the Big Mac is soooo good. I am 100% convinced that there are addictive substances in it. Listen to this story:

I was at a McDonald’s a few years back and won a coupon for a free Big Mac. Now get this: I had never had a Big Mac in my life. I figured I’d go back and use the free coupon, because hey, I didn’t have much money and it was free. I ate it and it was okay. But later that week, I had cravings for the damn thing. I’m not talking about “hey, this is good; maybe I’ll have another.” I’m talking about full-on, PMS-style, cravings. I ate 3 more Big Macs that week. I so rarely have strong cravings for food like that, so I seriously do think they put something addictive in them. The cravings seem to subside after about 48-72 hours, which seriously makes me wonder. I wonder if McD’s will ever be sued for it and people will act like this is a big shocker — to put addictive substances in food. Hey, the tobacco industry has been doing it for years. Why not McD’s, and why not with their flagship product? (Please note that other McD’s food does not appear to have addictive substances. I’d place my bets on the special sauce.)

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning with a vague feeling that something was wrong and broken. It was so vague at first that I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then I thought back over the dreams I had just had and who was in them, and I realized that yet again (last night), I had opened my heart to someone and that person didn’t seem to understand or care.

I realize that I have to be patient. But right now, I just need someone who understands. I have lost two of my best friends in a 24-hour time period. I am left with this giant hole in my heart that no one can repair. Sometimes I shrug it off and think I will get through it, and sometimes I wake up at 3:30 in the morning, crying my eyes out and barely having the strength to ask “Why?”

My dreams are full of frustration (they have been for a long time.) I’m always trying to pull something into place that isn’t quite right. My sleep is tormented with demons of my own making. Sylvia Browne was right when she said that there is no greater Hell than the hell we put ourselves through on this earth. I cannot imagine greater pain than what I am going through now, where I can’t even make things work in my dreams. I can only pray that someday, it will get better for me, and I won’t wake up in the morning feeling so frustrated and angry with myself.

Nothing like negotiating with your transit rep on AIM, of all things. We just halved our bandwidth price! (Well, not quite halved. A 43% reduction.) DW, you better be kissing my feet for this one. I just signed my life away for you and your crazy-ass referrals. 😉

What I miss most is talking to someone who understands me… someone I don’t always have to ask, “How can I help?” or “What can I do?” Someone who just intuitively understands that sometimes I need a shoulder to lean on, too. Not overbearing, just there if I need something. And someone who listens when I offer my help and advice, because you understand that I’m offering it because I love and respect you, not because I think you’re doing something wrong.

That’s what I miss.

Today went pretty well. I had a good phone conversation with Joe Moss (another IBI 1004 grad.) He is starting up a franchised psychology “thing” (I am not a Ph.D. like he is, so the words escape me.) Basically, he’s patenting and teaching a technique that unlocks a “first memory” that allows patients to figure out the root of their problems. I read a big email he sent me about it a couple days ago and it seems interesting. Plus, he is a good guy.

Joe says he’ll be back at IBI in December, which reminded me of my goal to 1) go back and 2) bring someone I think will benefit from IBI. I’ve already committed to going back; it’s the second part I’m having more trouble with. I know 2 people who would greatly benefit from going, but how do I explain it to them? How do I say “Lay out $3000+ and bank on the chance of meeting cool people”?

Joe and I talked about that for a while, and finally he said something that I realized would make nearly anyone looking for startup capital go to IBI. He said, “Erica, December is the month everyone goes to IBI to invest because they have to get the money out of their pockets before they turn in their taxes.” And he’s right, of course! Tons of IBI grads will be back in December looking for new companies to invest in. All I have to do is get these people there and they’ll meet enough people to achieve whatever they need to achieve next in their business.

It’s funny, because I’ve talked to at least 10 people who went to IBI, and everyone has varying opinions on how worthwhile it was. However, everyone I’ve talked to agrees that it was definitely worth paying the money. I’ve gotten tons of business plans with “Here’s my management team” and on the teams are all the IBI faculty and staff. I have to grin at the audacity of asking a staff member to be on your team, but hey, whatever works.

My personal experience with IBI was always that it was about bettering myself, not getting contacts or investors (though plenty of IBI’ers have offered to come forward and invest or find investors for me.) People ask, “What do you need next?” and I invariably respond with a one-off comment like “More time” or “Another ‘me’.” Seriously, I didn’t go there to find investors; I already have investors. I came there to learn, and learn I did (and met some wonderful people as well.)

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Brandon (if you don’t know who Brandon is, he’s one of my employees) sent me a to-do list today. How funny is that — getting a to-do list from your employee. I actually got a kick out of it; it means he’s motivated to make Simpli succeed, even if I have my head firmly stuck up my *** sometimes! Anyway, on the to-do list were several interesting items, but not one we had discussed earlier, which was Simpli getting a reseller permit. With his help, I dug up the requisite forms and will file them tomorrow. Hopefully we’ll have a reseller permit before the end of the month and can set up direct accounts with distributors.

I also made some decisions regarding financing. I’m going to approach Wells Fargo first and ask for a loan. I’ll probably do a SBA-backed loan. If, for whatever reason, they’re unwilling to give it to me, I’ll explore debt-based financing in the form of convertible bonds (bonds that can be converted into equity later.)

One of my hosting customers has agreed to do some PHP programming for me, which is good. I also took a deep introspective look at myself and wondered why I was so unwilling to do the work myself. I guess I just assumed that someone else would enjoy it more than I would, but honestly, I’d rather get someone else to do billing and administrivia and program my heart out. I find myself thinking that I would enjoy doing all this more than server administration or other tasks I spend my time doing, which has made me decide to take on part of the programming workload myself and outsource other things instead.

How’s that for a ramble? I’ll update more later as things progress.